“What is love if you are not here with me?” Anyone who has watched Empire series is familiar with these lines. This particular one captures my attention because it is related to what am about to conference about. Well, i ain’t here to betalk about how to love, when to love and what loving should be like. But for insecurity.
Insecurity! What is insecurity? I am not here to bespeak about how many policemen and army officers we have in this country, or the military equipment we possess, the murders happening in Entebbe. Not even war or peace. Am here for issues like “why would you want someone to stay loyal to you yet you are a cheat?, why are you insecure, what makes one insecure?And how you can tame it”
First, Why are people insecure?
- Being insecure comes with low self esteem. When you are not confident of yourself. You do not believe in yourself and feel that you got to rely on someone to make you feel better. This sometimes makes you feel like you are not good enough for her/him. It impels fear of losing a person because you think they deserve better than what you can offer.
- Childhood environment. When you grow up in a family where no one helped you discover you, you will have insecurity issues. Most people use this to become relevant. They feel that they should rule in whatever way possible and in the long run, they are everywhere in their partners’ lives.
- Polygamous families. Sometimes children who grow up in this kind of family are so insecure. You watch your father get woman after woman, your mother cry day and night, and swear you will never go through the same. These are the kind who will mix the jealousy with insecurity. They don’t want any male species associating with their girlfriends and vice versa. They are suspicious even where it is not necessary.
- Heart broken . One of those reasons for alot of insecure cases. I do not think i need to explain this. It is obvious that when people come into and walk out of your life each other day, you will reach a point and think you are the problem. There are people who lose self confidence.
- Another is the cheating kind. Let me tell you something, no man or woman who is cheating wants to be cheated on. That is why they will always be suspicious at your male/female friends, when and where you hangout, who are having fun with etc etc . It is because they are chasing or filrting after every skirt their eyes can get on and they think you are going to betray them too.
- Trust Issues. If you do not trust your partner you will roll eyes at a mere call. Why are dating someone you think will cheat on you? That is not love.
But then, you can help yourself fight this vice.
Believe in yourself. Faithfullness. God . Self Love. Open mindedness. Postivity, try to see things in a different way. Get counselling.
As we celebrate our fathers, let’s not forget to also talk to the future fathers and hubbies. Which type of father are you? I often argue with people who think they will wait till they become fathers to be good dads. Its like saying I will not be nice to you if I dont know you. There is a story I read about a lady whose boyfriend always told, “wait when you become pregnant, you will see how much I love you“. It was soothing to the ear. One day she tricked him into this “am pregnant thing” but afraid. “What can we do about it?
The first reply was; “abort the baby!” Why? “Because you seem worried.” Okay, let’s see the girl was scared of what her parents might do and he thought he was doing the right thing.” But hey, is abortion the best option? Couldn’t he as a man stand up for his unborn child and encourage her to stay strong! I asked myself ” where is the love?” And what was he thinking when having unprotected sex? Ofcourse the girl was disappointed and decided to keep quite. After weeks of the boyfriend’s silence, she told him that she had decided to keep the pregnancy and he had to act responsible as he was the father. The guy started to text less & her logs never missed any of his calls . When he did – he never asked about her situation. It was always one arguement after the other each day. Though the most captivating sentence was; “how do you want me to be responsible?” This was after she asked him to act responsible for their pregnancy. Can you imagine?
Probably that was one of those lines to her into his bed. The good thing is that she learned the kind of guy he was before making a mistake. Back to the existent fathers. Are the kind of father you daughter or family is proud of or the kind who can done everything possible to make them feel resentment towards you? Being a father is a whole issue from husband to the mother of your children. Apart from paying tuition and buying home necessities. You need to indulge in your children everyday activities. Iam not saying you become a spy. You getting involved in your children daily life makes them become free with you which is an important thing to every parent.
Also as we celebrate fathers’ day, ask yourself what kind of relationship do I as a husband have with my wife. This is because the type of relationship between you and your wife affects your children. There are families where parents are always quarreling to an extent that when dad comes back home. Children go to their bedrooms becuase to avoid the noise martial noise from the two. I have also seen, read and heard about fathers who listen to their children more than the wife. The wivies are forced to send the child to ask for money because when she goes there, he will not believe or it takes an argument to hand her the money to buy whatever it is she wants.
The relationship you have with your partner will affect your children. Sometimes we wonder why some young men are violent and have no respect for men yet the environment they grew up from was the cause. We forget charity begins at home.
Otherwise, on this beautiful day I want to thank God for my daddy. He is one of the greatest men in my life. And I wish you all fathers out there a fabulous fathers’ day.
We all deserve the best and if you ain’t getting that “best” you maybe the problem or your partner. It could be that the people around you ain’t the right people. Think about it. Why are you always breaking up with ur lovers or just maybe why they always leaving you for some other person? Another instance is; “no one ever approaches me”, you can not blame yourself for that “at times”. God’s timing is the best don’t get stressed out. However, you may be the problem again!
Often try to find out why things failed between you and him or her and you. If you do so, it will help you improve/ not to do the same mistakes. It is okay to acknowledge that you are the problem.
Have a lovely Sunday.