“What is love if you are not here with me?” Anyone who has watched Empire series is familiar with these lines. This particular one captures my attention because it is related to what am about to conference about. Well, i ain’t here to betalk about how to love, when to love and what loving should be like. But for insecurity.
Insecurity! What is insecurity? I am not here to bespeak about how many policemen and army officers we have in this country, or the military equipment we possess, the murders happening in Entebbe. Not even war or peace. Am here for issues like “why would you want someone to stay loyal to you yet you are a cheat?, why are you insecure, what makes one insecure?And how you can tame it”
First, Why are people insecure?
Being insecure comes with low self esteem. When you are not confident of yourself. You do not believe in yourself and feel that you got to rely on someone to make you feel better. This sometimes makes you feel like you are not good enough for her/him. It impels fear of losing a person because you think they deserve better than what you can offer.
Childhood environment. When you grow up in a family where no one helped you discover you, you will have insecurity issues. Most people use this to become relevant. They feel that they should rule in whatever way possible and in the long run, they are everywhere in their partners’ lives.
Polygamous families. Sometimes children who grow up in this kind of family are so insecure. You watch your father get woman after woman, your mother cry day and night, and swear you will never go through the same. These are the kind who will mix the jealousy with insecurity. They don’t want any male species associating with their girlfriends and vice versa. They are suspicious even where it is not necessary.
Heart broken . One of those reasons for alot of insecure cases. I do not think i need to explain this. It is obvious that when people come into and walk out of your life each other day, you will reach a point and think you are the problem. There are people who lose self confidence.
Another is the cheating kind. Let me tell you something, no man or woman who is cheating wants to be cheated on. That is why they will always be suspicious at your male/female friends, when and where you hangout, who are having fun with etc etc . It is because they are chasing or filrting after every skirt their eyes can get on and they think you are going to betray them too.
Trust Issues. If you do not trust your partner you will roll eyes at a mere call. Why are dating someone you think will cheat on you? That is not love.
But then, you can help yourself fight this vice.
Believe in yourself. Faithfullness. God . Self Love. Open mindedness. Postivity, try to see things in a different way. Get counselling.
Sometimes I sit in places and act invisible, not because I want to be alone but to make sure am in the right place at that particular time. Though mostly to find out what people think about certain things. So there is this place I usually get from lunch at campus, it is one of those places where you never find the “1st class citizens” – rich people’s kids or “rich kids” and the attitude kind. It is an open kafunda.
This kafunda attracts a large number of the non-teaching staff that is; secretaries, cleaners, students etc etc. If you have read Houseboy, am about to sound like Ferdinand Oyono, “these black, yellow, light and brown ladies and gentlemen gather not only to feed the parasites in their intestines but to ‘trash talk’ their bosses. Yes, it is sad and disappointing that we always make others apart of our recreation time. What a muganda would call “lugambo”. The worst thing is that today it was a man, guys! A MAN! was the one leading the conversation.
As an employee, you may have a bad employer but hey, you have better things to do than go trashing them in public. This is a place where several students come to have lunch. What if the boss you are trashing is his or her parent? What would you do if that student reported to their parent? This isn’t just about these rude employees but all of us. If someone hurt you, you should find a better way of letting it out than making it a public issue.
I looked at these employees and cried for them. I cried for the way they were being treated though cried much how they were letting out this information. In the loudest tones, clapping, laughing, parting each other’s backs and many other uncoth things as if this would add more years to their life. Lets just learn where to hold certain conversations and how to communicate.
Sorryamabouttostartthisbloginthemostuncothway. But what gets in people’s heads when they assume an office? The arrogance these guys sitting in public offices have is so overrated. You got employed, probably walked around looking for a job and they were nice to you. Why can’t you be good to others? Okay, let’s say you found a few rotten tomatoes that were rude to you and made you feel unlucky, are you paying back for what happened to you? Why live in the past yet your future is all around you? I do not know if this happens in Uganda only but it is too much.
Leaving the job issue aside, sometimes you need from a person in power or a head of department yet the response you get is enough to scare you off. Why are some people so rude to persons they have never met? I mean you are just meeting this lady or gentleman for the first time, wherefore be rude? No man is an island. Today it may be you but tomorrow is for another just be careful with how you treat the people around you. You can not be nice to everyone but try to be kind. It doesn’t hurt.
I will not blame all this on the bosses. Once in a while, one may approach you in unappropriate way. What do you do? When you realize someone just made a mistake what do you do? Do not do things according to what you feel is right to you, things that will make you happy because you suppose you have a right. Each time you are about to do something think about it.
Just like we find these “bosses” in offices and they treat us rudely yet we have barely done nothing. You may have looked ignorant to him/her though he has got no right to treat you rudely. Learn to relate with people be it your family, friends, classmates and strangers. You may take it lightly although some people take it serious and carry it on for revenge. Otherwise have a goodnight.